There is a tremendous amount of stress when patients are struggling with fertility concerns. Infertility can be challenging, but its stress will be minimized when the right steps are taken.
Coping with infertility is a process that mustn’t be rushed, it must be followed steadily. Rushing to get pregnant may set the couple backward. Anxiety is never a good virtue for getting pregnant.
Just as infertility causes emotional stress to the couple, it also impacts relationships—most especially, romantic relationships. Trying to conceive can create conflict and tension but also bring couples closer together.
Your sex life may be the very first victim. At first, after the consummation of the relationship, the desire to make babies was a motivation for sex but after months of trying, the couple’s desire for sex weaned.
Timed Sex
This is a fertility strategy that involves having sex during a woman’s fertile window, which is the time when conception is most likely to occur. The fertile window is about five days before to a few hours after ovulation.
For women with a 28-day menstrual cycle, ovulation usually occurs around day 14. However, cycles vary, and factors like stress, illness, and lifestyle can affect timing.
According to experts and medical journals, the chance of conceiving through timed intercourse is about 15% per cycle.
When conception fails to happen from timed sex, the stress in the couple’s sexual relationship increases. Research has found an increase in sexual dysfunction—both for men and women—when timed intercourse is used to try to get pregnant.
Because sex is also a way to feel closer to your partner, stress in your intimate life can lead to tension in your overall relationship.
COPING
Unchecked infertility-induced stress can dissolve many marriage relationships. Couples must strive to remove infertility stress from marriage relationships. The following are pragmatic steps to remove infertility stress.
Talk Over the Separation Fears
Do not brood yourselves to death. Often, either of the couples thinks the partner will leave to find someone who is fertile. This is a common fear partners don’t share. The best way to deal with this is to talk to your partner about your fears. Research has found that those who resort to self-blame and criticism tend to have higher levels of infertility stress.
Researchers propose that Some men and women often choose self-blame to take away stress from their spouses. By saying, “This is all my fault,” they hope to reduce the emotional pain of their loved one. Studies however have shown that this kind of thinking hurts relationships.
Gender Capacity
Everyone copes with stress in different ways. Studies have found gender differences in the way people cope with infertility. These differences can lead to further misunderstandings.
Experts said one partner may accuse the other of “not caring enough” if their coping style is more subdued, while one partner may accuse the other of “overreacting.” Couples must understand the natural differences in their stress-coping capacity for a smooth marriage relationship.
Not everyone wears their emotions on their sleeves. At the same time, what looks like an overreaction to you may be perfectly normal for other people.
Emotional pain is emotional pain. Offering each other support—without preconditions or comparisons—is the path to peace.
Reducing the Stress
While some research has found that men and women faced with infertility may be more likely to feel dissatisfied with themselves and their marriages, other studies have found that it can bring couples closer together. When couples give mutual support during the infertility struggle, they secure more bonding.
Here are ways you can lower tensions and cope better as a couple.
Communicate
Talk to each other. Share fears. Don’t walk around worried your partner may leave you and never say anything. While it can be terrifying to bring up, you will likely be relieved when your partner assures you that infertility is not going to separate you.
Talking about infertility can become a problem if one partner’s primary coping mechanism is to avoid the topic altogether. It can also become a source of tension if one partner talks about infertility all the time. You must find the balance. Talk about it when the mood is right.
Connect in Other Ways
Make an effort to connect in other ways. Yes, this will likely require actual effort. Think back to what you did during your dating days. Or, pursue a new hobby or activity together. Sit down and make a list of things to do together.
Speaking of connection, don’t neglect your sex life. Reclaim it back from infertility, and make it about intimacy and love again.
Reach Out for Support
Experts say, don’t try to cope with infertility alone. Shame does keep many individuals and couples from reaching out for support. However, research has found that couples who receive social support have improved relationships. Social support has also been found to be key for women dealing with infertility. Share the information with specific friends, or family members particularly those who have experienced infertility before.
Sharing the experiences is reassuring and helps to remove the psychological burden. Decide together on a select group of people who can be social supports. Learn from them how they cope with emotional ups and downs, like anger, depression, fear, guilt, and sense of failure, of fertility treatments; Learn from them how they managed the situation with their families and friends; Learn the effects of fertility treatments from those who had gone through the treatments
Sit Down and Make a Plan
Research has found that putting together a pragmatic plan of action for infertility solutions like Intrauterine insemination (IUI), In vitro fertilization (IVF), and or even adoption helps improve marital satisfaction, especially for men. Infertility appears not to be plan-friendly because you don’t know how long it will last, however, you can at least make short-term plans. You can also make flexible plans. You can put a financial plan, like savings, in place. Better to have it when you don’t need it than to need it when you don’t have it.
Consider Counselling
Sometimes, you’re not going to be able to reach compromises alone.
A counselor can help you communicate and reach mutual agreements.
You may assume that counseling is only for those considering divorce, or situations of clinical depression or anxiety. This is a myth. Counseling is for everyone who can use some extra help with stress or a difficult situation.
Whether you see a therapist as an individual, or as a couple, it can help. When you feel supported, you’ll be better able to tend to your relationship.
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Source: Dare Agbeluyi, Chief Publisher, Citizen Comfort
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