Infertility Solution Part 2

“Coping with infertility is a process that mustn’t be rushed, it must be followed steadily. Rushing to get pregnant may set the couple backwards. Anxiety is never a good virtue for getting pregnant.”

Infertility Coping Strategy

Infertility can be a very delicate issue if not managed properly. It’s been found to be source of strains in happy relationships.   Talking about the struggle with other people must be a joint decision. If you agree on who and whether to tell, great. If not, things can get complicated.

The partner who doesn’t want to share may be experiencing shame or embarrassment. They may feel infertility is too personal of a topic.

The one that wants to talk to others about the fertility challenges may feel isolated and lacking social support. This can lead to more trouble coping with infertility itself, feelings of resentment towards the partner who insists on keeping things secret, and increased relationship tension.

Talk Over the Fears

Do not brood yourselves to death. Often, either of the couple is thinking the partner will leave him or her for someone who is fertile. This is a very common fear partners don’t share together.

The best way to deal with this is to talk to your partner about your fears. Research has found that those who resort to self-blame and criticism tend to have higher levels of infertility stress.³

Researchers propose that some men and women choose self-blame as a way to take away stress from their spouse. In other words, by saying, “This is all my fault,” they hope to reduce the emotional pain of their loved one. However, studies have shown that this kind of thinking hurts relationships.

Everyone copes with stress in different ways. Studies have also found gender differences in the way people cope with infertility. These differences can lead to misunderstandings.

Experts said one partner may accuse the other of “not caring enough” if their coping style is more subdued, while one partner may accuse the other of “overreacting.”

Studies have also found that women are more likely to experience marital stress than men, regardless of the cause of infertility

Reducing the Stress

While some research has found that men and women faced with infertility may be more likely to feel dissatisfied with themselves and their marriages, other studies have found that it can bring couples closer together.

This isn’t because these couples breeze through infertility and don’t struggle. On the contrary, according to the research, it’s the struggle—and their need for mutual support—that leads to a more secure bond.

Here are ways you can lower tensions and cope better as a couple.

Communicate

Talk to each other. Share fears. Don’t walk around worried your partner may leave you and never say anything. While it can be terrifying to bring up, you will likely be relieved when your partner assures you that infertility is not going to sseparate you.

Talking about infertility can become a problem if one partner’s primary coping mechanism is to avoid the topic altogether. It can also become a source of tension if one partner talks about infertility “all the time.”. You must find the balance. Talk about it when the mood is right.

Connect in Other Ways

Make an effort to connect in other ways. Yes, this will likely require actual effort. Think back to what you did during your dating days. Or, pursue a new hobby or activity together. Sit down and make a list of things to do together.

Speaking of connection, don’t neglect your sex life. Reclaim it back from infertility, and make it about intimacy and love again. This, too, will take effort.

Allow for Differences

Everyone copes differently. You can’t judge how much a person cares about an experience by looking at them or even by their actions.

Not everyone wears their emotions on their sleeves. At the same time, what looks like an overreaction to you may be perfectly normal for other people..

Emotional pain is emotional pain. Offering each other support—without preconditions or comparisons—is the path to peace.

Reach Out for Support

Experts say, don’t try to cope with infertility alone. Shame does keep many individuals and couples from reach out for support. However, research has found that couples that receive social support have improved relationships. Social support has also been found to be key for women dealing with infertility.

You don’t have to “tell the world,” so to speak. You can decide to share the information with only specific friends, particularly those who had gone that path, or family members. Just don’t try to do it all on your own.

Fertility is a couple issue. Conception challenged couple needs social support from everyone around them to overcome the challenges. The couple, especially the wife, needs all the support not blame. Wives need psychological support of the mother-in laws, kind words of hope and encouragement, not despair, blames, or abuse. Talking about the issue constructively can take a lot of stress from the couple.

Couple having fertility concern needs to talk about the problem with couples who have taken same path before having their babies. Sharing the experiences is reassuring and helps to remove the psychological burden. Learn from them how they cope with emotional ups and downs, like anger, depression, fear, guilt, and sense of failure, of fertility treatments; Learn from them how they managed the situation with their families and friends; Learn the effects of fertility treatments from those who had gone through the treatments

Sit Down and Make a Plan

Research has found that putting together a practical plan of action helps improve marital satisfaction, especially for men. In some ways, infertility is not plan-friendly. You may not really know how long your struggle will be or what testing or treatments will be needed. However, you can at least make short-term plans. You can also make flexible plans.

Putting together financial plans—especially a savings plan—is a smart choice. The sooner you start putting money aside, the better. If you don’t need it for fertility treatment bills or adoption costs, you can use it for something else. No harm done.

Compromise

Whether it’s an argument over who to tell or how to pay for a treatment cycle, avoid black-and-white thinking and aim for compromise. Does one of you want to tell others about the infertility, while the other wants to keep it secret?

Decide together on a select group of people who can be social supports. One of you wants to stop for good, while the other wants to keep going? Compromise by taking a temporary break instead, with plans to discuss moving forward when that break is over.

Consider Counselling

Sometimes, you’re not going to be able to reach compromises alone. A counsellor can help you communicate and reach mutual agreements.

You may assume that counselling is only for those considering divorce, or situations of clinical depression or anxiety. This is a myth. Counselling is for everyone who can use some extra help with stress or a difficult situation.

Whether you see a therapist as an individual, or as a couple, it can help. When you feel supported, you’ll be better able to tend to your relationship.

Remember Infertility Is Not Forever

You may or may not have children one day. But you won’t be struggling to conceive forever. Research has found that feelings of depression and anxiety peak around three years post-infertility diagnosis. However, six years post-diagnosis, couples are feeling stronger, and depression and anxiety symptoms lessen.

Your relationship can survive this tough—but temporary—challenge. With time, and possibly counseling, your trying to conceive years can bring you closer together. Eventually, you’ll either have a child or stop trying to conceive. But there is life after infertility. Hold onto that hope.

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